Recycled Comedy Produces Zero Carbon-Forming Emissions

In honor of Earth Day's four month anniversary here's some more recycled Twitter comedy from last night:

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Barry Manilow wrote "Mandy" about Mandy Patinkin from "Criminal Minds."

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Donut "Jimmies" were invented by Jimi Hendrix. Before he choked to death on a vomit-load of them.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: "Bea Arthur" was a stage name. Her real name was: "Ezekiel Thundercock."

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Cats secretly have opposable thumbs but still make us open their food cans. It's a power thing.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Don Knotts fucked like a champion.

Champion.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: JFK wasn't assassinated. It was suicide.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Jerry Orbach founded a school to teach tantric sex techniques. To Don Knotts.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Criss Angel subsists solely on a diet of shoelaces and used birdseed.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: Sharks can be hypnotized with gentle neck kisses.

Here's a little known fact I just made up: William Shakespeare's father was a glove-maker. And his mother was a 13-foot Bengal Tiger.


Till next we meet ...