Thursday, January 30, 2014

"Who Ya Gonna Call?" A Para-Urologist, Maybe?

A while back, The Missus brought home one of those mysterious, vaguely medicinal-looking items that I assumed would go live in our second medicine cabinet.

That's the cabinet that's none of my business. It's the one that's crammed chock-a-block with dozens of enigmatic items which -- one assumes -- are all emblazoned with the text: "LADY-ON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE LADY PARTS!"

But it turns out, I'm dumb.

I know. Big surprise, right?

Apparently this mysterious new item was called a "neti pot."


I see.

Okay, I didn't see, actually. Not even a little.

It's a what now?

She sat me down and patiently explained ... speaking slowly and using small words ... that a "neti pot" is basically a thing you use to blast hot, salty water up your nose.

If ... you know ... you're into that.

(Which, I guess enough people are, since "neti pots" are actually a thing.)

(However, because I'm not entirely convinced of their thingness, I'm going to keep putting quotation marks around "neti pot" until further proof presents itself. Just saying.)

No really, it's an actual thing.

Anyhow ... as I puzzled over the series of wildly convoluted and astronomically unlikely events that would need to occur before I would ever consider using such a product myself, I got to looking at the box.

And I found my attention drawn to a little cartoon doodle at the top of the package.

Clearly this image is meant to be an antrhopomorphic water droplet with a big, friendly nose and a ready smile.

Sure. That's reasonable. Lots of products have cartoon mascots. That's one of the oldest tricks in the advertising book. You want to put as friendly a face on your product as possible.

And your mascot had better be friendly if what you're selling is as weird and off-putting as a salt water nose bidet.

Sure. Made perfect sense.

Intellectually, I knew that's what I had to be looking at: Friendly Little Water Droplet Guy.


"Hi! A wet nose means you're healthy! Also, it's going to feel like you're drowning in hot, watery snot! Hooray!"

But for some reason, my brain just refused to accept that.

When I looked at this image, all I could/can see is an overhead shot looking down over a guy's shoulder as he sadly contemplates his ghost penis.




And that's why I will never put one of these in my nose.


Also, I'm pretty sure Pac Man has been ruined for me, too.

Till next we meet ...