Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fine. I'm Not Very Mature. So What.

The 13-year-old boy in me really wants to drive this truck.

But on the other hand, the adult in me really wants to drive this truck.

Till next we meat ...


Monday, December 14, 2009

A Fool's Errands (Monday, 12/14/09)

1) Buy Christmas present for Tiger Woods: a BIG black book.

2) Drink own weight in nog.

3) Hang around under mistletoe while "funny" Uncle Lenny is over.

4) Buy extra wrapping paper.

5) Ignore life lessons proffered by the first three ghosts. Change your ways only when the fourth ghost threatens you with cold and lonely death.

Friday, December 4, 2009

You're Gonna Get SO Drunk

You may not even realize it, but you've been BEGGING for this. BEGGING.

So now ... at long last ... I give to you ...

Steven Seagal Lawman: The Drinking Game!

Here are the rules:

Whenever Steven whisper/mumbles any variation on: "I've been studying the martial arts for 40 years": DRINK.

Whenever they cut to Steven and he's clearly chewing something ... but there's NO food around: DRINK.

Whenever a bad guy is clearly caught by real cops, but they cut to Steven making the arrest: DRINK.

Whenever Steven dispenses "wisdom" about a cop's life and you can actually see his silver-haired, career-cop partner die a little inside: DRINK.

Whenever Steven refers to the Projects as "the 'Jects": DRINK TWICE.

Whenever Steven gets visibly winded after the first five steps of a foot pursuit: DRINK. SIT. HAVE A LITTLE REST.

Whenever Steven blots the slick, glistening ham jelly (or perhaps it's sweat) from his brow with his trusty towel: DRINK GRAVY.

(Whisper/mumbled) "It's ham jelly AND sweat." --Steven Seagal

Please note: Steven Seagal Lawman may only be a half-hour show, but play by these rules and you WILL go through vast amounts of alcohol. So plan your booze shopping accordingly.

Till next we meet ...