Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Stick Figures in Peril!

Few occupations in this world are quite as innately fraught with peril, danger and the specter of imminent dismemberment or death as that of "being a Stick Figure."

If the many, many warning signs plastered everywhere around us are to be believed, Stick Figures endure more peril before breakfast than the rest of us will face in a lifetime. And that includes those among us who live especially perilous lives. (I'm looking in your direction, Courtney Love.)

The hard and unfair truth is, the world can be very hard on the humble, unassuming Stick Figure.

1) But don't take my word for it. Just look what this Stick Figure has to look out for on his daily commute.

I suppose slips and falls are one of the major risks you run when you don't actually have any feet.

But I also have to wonder exactly why the Stick Figure Commuter Express Train is parked what appears to be at least a yard away from the platform. That seems inordinately dangerous and is just inviting tragedy. So this may not entirely be the Stick Figure's fault. It's an operational issue that should seriously be taken up at the next meeting of the Board of Directors of the Stick Figure MTA.

After all, I think there really is an upper limit to the amount of gap watching a person should reasonably be expected to do.

2) However, even when a Stick Figure HAS feet, slips and falls are tragically not uncommon. To wit: This Poor Fellow ...

On the other hand, the more I look at this image, the more comfortable this Stick Figure appears to be. Perhaps he's not in peril after all. Perhaps ... and this is just me wondering aloud here ... perhaps he was just relaxing and some rude Passer-By kicked over his Rum and Coke.

Way to be a total douche, Passer-By! How's that going for you?

Hello! Was there a reason why a caution sign couldn't have been posted for this poor sap? Something that identified the dangers of this area? WARNING: D-BAG DRINK-KICKING ZONE?

Now he's gotta get up and go all the way back to the bar. Way to totally harsh his mellow.

3) Okay, there's definitely some peril involved in this last example. Quite a lot of peril, actually.

Everybody knows that if there's a fire, you shouldn't use the elevator. That's just common sense. Use the stairs. Because that's the safe thing to do.

Unless, of course, you happen to be a Stick Figure. In which case your instructions are different. You should still use the stairs. But you should walk slowly and calmly ...


While I'm not a Stick Figure myself, I have to believe this is probably poor advice.

Try to stay safe out there, my stick-ish friends.

Till next we meet ...

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