Monday, February 22, 2010

A Fool's Errands (Monday, 2/22/10)

1) Greenlight another Kirstie Alley TV show about how being fat is something that she often is.

2) Continue working on that eerily lifelike, full-size butter sculpture of Jon Gosselin. Oh! Mr. Gosselin! I'm so sorry! That's actually you! I'm so embar--! Hey, what did you do with all my butter? Oh.

3) Try to retrieve your house keys from Gary Busey's mouth without him snapping off one or more of your fingers with his terrifying, giant teeth.

4) Sprinkle rock salt on driveway.

5) Once and for all, hush the nay-sayers by personally proving your theory that hybrid cars are really the result of regular cars mating with you.

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