A Fool's Errands (Monday, 9/7/09)

1) Send bank info to that nice Nigerian prince.

2) Organize all-day Uwe Boll Film Festival.

3) Drano Shooters.

4) Drop off kids at skating rink for play date.

5) Buy giant magnet and rubber band, try that Wile E. Coyote thing.

You Be The Judge ...

Nap? Or crime scene?

The eternal question.


Till next we meet ...

My Caveman Playlist: Update

Okay, Interwebs ... I still need your help.

As you may remember, I'm on the lookout for songs for my Caveman Playlist.

To review: http://robbbadlam.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-caveman-playlist.html

I'm looking for bassy, thumpy, raw, stripped down songs. Primal stuff you could stomp around a fire to. Any genre will do, though strong rhythm is a must.

Only the fattest beats will do.

Here's what I've got so far. Some tasty selections.

"Grounds for Divorce" - Elbow
"Dog Door" - Tom Waits
"Filipino Box Spring Hog" - Tom Waits
"Make it Rain" - Tom Waits
"The Tower That Ate People" (Remix from "Hit") - Peter Gabriel
"Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing" - Chris Isaak
"Tuff Enough" - The Fabulous Thunderbirds
"Name of the Game" - Crystal Method

Okay, now it's your turn. What am I missing?

Suggestions?

Till next we meet ...

Sure, THIS Year We Kinda Didn't "Win" ...

Okay, fine. It was ugly. We lost.

We got our asses beat.

Hard.

Despite having what I thought were two pretty serviceable videos. (http://robbbadlam.blogspot.com/2009/07/love-democracy-then-you-should-vote-for.html)

But that milk is long spilled. No further tears shall be shed over it.

Anyhow, LAST year, we totally WON!

So, to make myself feel better, I thought I'd post a little blast from the past for your potential enjoyment. Here are my 2008 spots for the Sideshow Collectibles "Make Our Commercial" contest. The second of which ended up taking the top prize.

I apologize in advance for my fatness.

Here's the cleverly titled "Sideshow Freak #1" ...

And here's the eventual contest winner, "Sideshow Freak #2" ...

It was the first year of the contest and I thought the prize was pretty swell: $750 in cash and $250 in gift certificates.

Well, I thought it was swell until they offered a free trip for two to ComiCon to the winner the following year.

You know ... the year we didn't win. That year.

Sorry.

Milk. Spilled. Bitching. Ceased.

Okay. Better now.




Bastards.

Till next we meet ...

Can A Sister Get Some Melanin?

It's time we all got together and did some good in this world. It's time we all gave something back to someone who really deserves it.

Like Julianna Margulies.

And what should we give her?

Pigment. Lots of it.

See, I've been seeing posters for the new Julianna Margulies show all over NYC lately. And I'm concerned about her.

Why?

Because, apparently, her skin does not naturally produce pigmentation of any kind. Seriously, Julianna. You're making albinos look like George Hamilton.

Juilanna, the CBS Marketing department has decided you're the color of newsprint. You don't see a problem there?

Could we all maybe take up a collection and get this woman some melanin?

I'm a bit swarthy myself. I'd be glad to donate if it would make Juilianna look less like the sun-bleached skeleton of Edgar Winter's paler sister.

Look into your heart, America. Or at least into your epidermis.


Till next we meet ...

Are You Old?

Worried you might be slipping inexorably into the great yawning abyss of mortality? Here are a few recycled Twitter posts that might help you assess your level of risk.

How To Tell When You're Old: When you don't recognize a single "celebrity" on Extra.

How To Tell When You're Old: When the thought occurs to you that that Jamie Lee Curtis pooping yogurt might not be such a bad idea.

How To Tell When You're Old: When you find yourself giving a shit about zoning laws.

How To Tell When You're Old: When you suddenly discover you have an opinion about yarn.

How To Tell When You're Old: When your favorite Phil Collins mix tape finally breaks.

"Sussudio, muthafuckas!"

How To Tell When You're Old: When you follow a drug commercial's directions and ask your doctor if it's right for you.

How To Tell When You're Old: When you consider Just For Menning your chest hair.

How To Tell When You're Old: When, after you've Just For Menned your chest hair, you look further down ... then reach for the box again.


Till next we meet ...

Some People Find Jesus on a Toasted Cheese Sandwich

Me?

I found Master Shake on the floor of the handicapped stall of the 14th floor men's room of the HBO building at 42nd and 6th.

Worship with me, why don't you.

Till next we meet ...