A Fool's Errands (Monday, 4/19/10)

1) Upon leaving Iceland for vacation, wonder aloud about whether you remembered to turn off the volcano. Decide you did. Go on with your trip.

2) Jot down phone number from "Free Babysitting" flyer on bulletin board at Vatican laundromat.

3) Challenge your heart to a duel. The weapon? The KFC Double Down. Ten paces ... turn ... FIRE!

4) Mow lawn.

5) Once you've put your unwanted seven-year-old Russian orphan on a plane back to Moscow by himself, start planning that party the world will surely throw you for not being a complete and utter monster. Make sure to buy some streamers. People love streamers.