A Fool's Errands (Monday, 6/7/10)

BP CEO Tony Hayward Edition

1) Whine more. People love it. It's important the world sees that this whole situation is inconvenient for you, too.

2) Look up definition of "Mega-Super-Giganto-Cluster-Fuck" in dictionary. Ignore picture of self.

3) Show sensitivity to environment. Get photographed wringing out a few dead pelicans. Good PR is priceless.

4) Change oil in your Hummer stretch limo party bus tank. Twice.

5) Locate animals not injured or poisoned by your oil. Kick to death.

The Short Arm of the Law (Stick Figures In Peril!)

Why shouldn't you hold the subway doors open?

BECAUSE, SWEET BUTTERY JESUS, THEY'LL CRUSH YOUR ARMS TO STUMPS!!

(Though we're not entirely sure why "significant torso elongation" also appears to be a common side effect.)



Till next we meet ...

That Last Step Is A Doozy (Stick Figures in Peril!)

Please watch the gap between the car and the platform.


Especially when you ride that train that makes you exit from what appears to be a second story window.


Till next we meet ...

Don't You Take That Tone With Me! (Stick Figures In Peril!)

Sometimes you just get the feeling the Stick Figures are mocking you.


Yes, please DO be careful, YOUR HIGHNESS.


Till next we meet ...

Stick Babies In Peril!

Stick Babies. You can't take them anywhere. They're ALWAYS getting into some manner of mischief or other.

But what manner of mischief, you ask?

PERILOUS MISCHIEF!

Stick Babies wreck everything that's fun. You just can't have cool stuff around because a Stick Baby will always find a way to imperil themselves.

For instance ... you can forget about giving your shiny, brightly-colored baubles and beads a well-deserved sulfuric acid bath in an uncapped five-gallon bucket on the living room floor!

You just TRY keeping a Stick Baby out of an acid bucket! Yeah, good luck with that, pal!

They won't stop! Even AFTER they've melted their pudgy, little fingers to pudgy, little stumps! They just won't stop until ALL your fun has been dissolved into a frothy, gore-streaked slurry of passive aggression!


And don't even get me started about your collection of giant, randomly explosive, white blood cells!

You think you're having some fun, and the next thing you know, here comes a Stick Baby and ... BLAM!


We can't have nice things.



Till next we meet ...

It's The First Of May!

How do you celebrate it?





Till next we meet ...

May I Take Your Order?

Hi, how are you doing tonight? My name is Robb and I'll be taking care of you this evening. I see you've had some time to look over the menu.

All right then, sir, will you be having the chicken or the fi--- OH MY GOD!!!




Till next we meet ...