Sunday, March 21, 2010

Stick Figures Go Shopping (Stick Figures In Peril!)

You'd think the grocery store would be a relatively innocuous place for a Stick Figure Mother to take her Stick Baby.

But you know what?



The grocery store is a throbbing hive of menacing danger, looming hazard and, you guessed it ... PERIL!

And the biggest Peril?

Apparently the Stick Mother herself.

If this shopping cart is to be believed, the Stick Mother seems to have a complete and utter disregard for the safety and well-being of her offspring. Thus necessitating constant berating about all the different ways she's cocking up the whole parenting thing.

Here are a few salient facts we can clearly glean from this shopping cart about the nature of Stick Mothers:

1) The Stick Mother has zero maternal instinct. She is biologically incapable of forming any sort of emotional bond with her Stick Baby. Otherwise, why would she immediately wander off and abandon it to be preyed upon by the ever-present Stick Child Molester? (Stick Child Molester not pictured.)

2) The Stick Mother secretly fantasizes that she is, in fact, James Cameron. How else do you explain her natural urge to re-enact trite, poorly-written scenes from bloated, self-indulgent, ham-fisted "epic" films? (Related: The Stick Mother's preferred insult for those who displease her is "you unimaginable bastard." Coincidence?)

3) The Stick Mother has very poor visual acuity and little or no hearing. This obviously explains how she can blithely ram her shopping cart through crowds of Stick Babies -- Lizzie Grubman style -- leaving nothing but blood and wailing in her wake ... and the odd Stick Baby corpse lodged in her grill.

4) The Stick Mother is a Nazi sympathizer. And Stick Babies are indoctrinated accordingly.

Till next we meet ...

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