Is There A Store That Sells Nothing But Booze, Cigarettes & Congestive Heart Failure?

Excellent.

I hope they have a drive-thru.


Till next we meet ...

That Was About That Time When Han Just Gave The Fuck Up

"Aw ... what's the point. Maybe I am scruffy-looking."

(sigh)

"Stupid everything."

(weeps quietly)



Till next we meet ...

When People With OCD Design Health Department Posters

KEEP SCRUBBING, GODDAMMIT!! THEY'RE NOT CLEAN YET!!

THEY'LL NEVER BE CLEAN!!

LATHER!! RINSE!! REPEAT!!! LATHER!! RINSE!! REPEAT!!!

REPEAT, YOU FILTHY, FILTHY, GERM-INFESTED MOTHERFUCKER!!! OR I WILL END YOU!!

AND MAKE SURE YOU USE THE PUMICE STONE AND THE ALCOHOL RINSE!!

AND FIRE!! MAKE SURE YOU PURIFY THEM IN FIRE BEFORE RETURNING TO YOUR DESK!!



Till next we meet ...

It's So Sad When Produce Goes Bad

Looks like the scallions in the crisper have turned ... on the garlic.





Till next we meet ...

Feed The Whales (Stick Figure In Peril!)

Of all the ways one could conceivably feed sharks and killer whales, shockingly, Stick Figures have chosen the least perilous.

But let's be honest here. They're called "killer whales." When the shit goes down, do you really think a stick is going to help?



Welcome to SeaWorld ... chum.



Till next we meet

How About A Nice, Relaxing ASS-KICKING!

You may THINK you're signing up for a day of relaxing massage at the day spa.

But you'd be wrong.

The staff here is a touch ... oh, what's the word ... aggressive.

"LIGHT THE AROMA THERAPY CANDLES, SHIT-STICK, WHILE I GRIND YOUR FUCKING BONES TO MEALY DUST!!"


"NICE AND RELAXED NOW, AREN'T YOU, MAGGOT!! NOW THAT I'VE SNAPPED YOUR GODDAMN NECK AND SEVERED YOUR WORTHLESS SPINAL CORD!! IT'S SMOTHERING TIME, BIZNITCH!!"


"EAT HOT DEATH, DICK-BAG!! BOO-YAH!! I TOOK A RUNNING START!!"


Of course, there's a relatively remote chance I may be interpreting the poster incorrectly.



Till next we meet ...

A Fool's Errands (Monday, 6/7/10)

BP CEO Tony Hayward Edition

1) Whine more. People love it. It's important the world sees that this whole situation is inconvenient for you, too.

2) Look up definition of "Mega-Super-Giganto-Cluster-Fuck" in dictionary. Ignore picture of self.

3) Show sensitivity to environment. Get photographed wringing out a few dead pelicans. Good PR is priceless.

4) Change oil in your Hummer stretch limo party bus tank. Twice.

5) Locate animals not injured or poisoned by your oil. Kick to death.

The Short Arm of the Law (Stick Figures In Peril!)

Why shouldn't you hold the subway doors open?

BECAUSE, SWEET BUTTERY JESUS, THEY'LL CRUSH YOUR ARMS TO STUMPS!!

(Though we're not entirely sure why "significant torso elongation" also appears to be a common side effect.)



Till next we meet ...

That Last Step Is A Doozy (Stick Figures in Peril!)

Please watch the gap between the car and the platform.


Especially when you ride that train that makes you exit from what appears to be a second story window.


Till next we meet ...