We're With You.

Yes, we're right there with you in the Tri-State area.

But take one goddamn step outside that area -- into The Forbidden Zone? Well, then you're on your own, motherfucker.

Because you'll be dead to us!

You hear me?!?

DEAD!



Till next we meet ...

I'm Gonna Go Cook The Pasta, Cook The Pasta.

Naturally, I'm also looking forward to his imported Italian knees.


Till next we meet ...

What Are You Planning, Pick-Axe?

So I was roaming the hardware store the other day ...


... and I fear this pick-axe might know something ...


DON'T LET HIM ON A PLANE!


Till next we meet ...

That'll Be Five Dollars! YAY!

I hate how delighted this parking meter is at the thought of taking my money.

Come ON, man! Have the decency to do your giggling behind my back!


Till next we meet ...

All I Want For Christmas Is ... Well ... Anything But These Things Really.

And now an entry I forgot to post the week after Christmas on 1/5/11. Better late than never, I suppose. Apologies.

As we bask in the post-holiday afterglow, I invite you to rummage with me through some sadly unwanted items in the clearance bin.

A veritable Aisle of Misfit Buys, if you will.

Walk with me, won't you?

First up there's this delightful item ...

What could be better than week-old cake, you ask?

What about, week-old cake made to look like Santa's batch!

"Show me on the cake where the jolly man touched you."

What kid wouldn't jump at the chance to scoop tar-black and blood-red frosting from Santa's "area"!?

Sign me up! I'm Ho-Ho-Ho-ungry for some some stale, sexually harassing desert!


Next, we have a hunk of this special ... eh ... Christmas-flavored ... um ... I guess ... cheese?

Nothing odd or surprising about the existence of cheese, of course. But I suppose I'm just puzzled as to why it would feature Santa.

And his famous Christmas ... um ... cat?

Of course! We've all curled up round the fire on Christmas Eve to hear that story, haven't we?

(Seriously. I'm asking. Have we? Because I'm pretty sure I haven't. Perhaps I need to have a word or two with a certain pair of negligent parents ...)

Also, what exactly does a cat have to do with Christmas?

Or Santa.

Or cheese for that matter.

And while we're on the subject ... aren't Santa's cheeks supposed to be rosy? And not his eyes?

"BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!"

And lastly, we have this delightful bath gel and body lotion set.

"Smear this on your person!"

Would you like some? Sure thing! You're welcome to it!

All you have to do is roll up your sleeve ...

AND REACH DEEP INTO THE LEDERHOSEN OF THIS PERVY DOG-BEAR-THING!!

"Just a dollop and do me!"

Looks like it's going to be a Happy New Year ... for somebody.



Till next we meet ...

Opinions Are NOT Like Assholes, Actually. They're Like The Highlander. There Can Be Only One.

Say what you will about her acting chops.

But on one topic, there can be no debate ...


She plays the everloving shit out of those zimbals.


Till next we meet ...

Wait ... So These Gloves Are For What Now?

Hang on a second ... I'm confused.

What exactly am I supposed to use these gloves for?

Are they for cleaning the house? Doing the dishes? Washing the car?

Because, judging by the box, they look like they might be intended for ... um ...

... you know ...

... um ...

... for ...

... eh ...




... "sexy time?"

*If used properly, may actually cause mess.


Till next we meet ...