Thanksgiving Dinner is Going To Be Perilously Awkward (Stick Figures In Peril!)

Mom? Dad? Nanna? Weird Uncle Larry?

I ... I don't know the right words ... so I'm just gonna say it ...

This Chest of Drawers and I are in love! We're getting married! And there's not a thing you can do or say that will change that!

God! That felt so great to say that out loud! It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! What's that you say, Chester? Exactly! Like a huge weight has been removed from your top drawer! JUST like that! Our minds! You see! It's like they're linked! This is why we're soulmates!

No, Dad, he's not Lutheran. He's Chippendale.

No, Nanna, not like the dancers.

I SAID: NO, NANNA, NOT LIKE THE DANCERS!

What do you mean, "old?" He's not "old," mother! He's an antique! There's a difference!

No, he most certainly did NOT rob the cradle! I don't care what you heard at the salon! Those charges were dismissed!

Because that cradle is a lying skank is why!

(An icy silence settles over the dining room. Uncle Larry continues chewing noisily, as though nothing is happening. Mother and daughter eye one another warily.)

Chester, could you pass me one of my sweaters. It's getting a little chilly in here.



Till next we meet ...