Lawnmower Man(gle)! (Stick Figures in Peril!)

What's the most Perilous chore in the world for a Stick Figure to perform?

Mowing my lawn, apparently.

According to the warning labels on my mower, Stick Figures face a veritable cornucopia of eviscerating, bloody Peril whenever they venture within miles of my backyard.

Firstly, there's the ever present Peril of being peppered with heavy machine gun fire should a Stick Figure EVER begin to dance.

(Though, to be fair, this shouldn't be much of a surprise. We have laws for a reason, people.)

(Little known fact: This was actually the original inspiration for the film Footloose. True story.)


Next up ... the specter of bloody, agonizing dismemberment is never far behind your average Stick Figure. But for those Stick Figures on the lookout for a cheap, do-it-yourself alternative to the pricey spa-style "mani/pedi" ... it's all but a certainty.

"OH NO! NOT MY EXTREMITIES! I LOVED HAVING THOSE!"


Lastly ... it would seem elderly Stick Figures with mobility issues are also at an increased risk of being violently run down and messily fed, cane and all, into the whriling, gore-strewn blades of my mower.

On the other hand, perhaps this particular warning is more properly targeted at Brooklyn-based Hipster Stick Figures who have developed the annoying affectation of carrying Victorian walking sticks. Hmm. You know what? I like this answer better.


Oh! One more thing.

Before I let you go ... this may be something of a tangent, but it seems Lawnmower/Human Hybrid Cyborgs vehemently disapprove of traditional human reproduction.

Just so you know.



Till next we meet ...