Pop Quiz: How Desperate/Hungry/Stoned Are You?

Should you find yourself in the frozen food aisle at 2:30 in the morning and this box has captured your attention ...

... then clearly you are:

A) Pretty Freakin' Desperate/Hungry/Stoned

However, if five to ten minutes pass and you haven't moved an inch, but continue to stare fixedly at the box without blinking ...

... then clearly you've moved on to the next phase:

B) Extremely Goddamn Desperate/Hungry/Stoned

But ... if these symptoms persist and you bring this box to the register anyway ... despite the clearly-printed single-word warning (presumably from the Surgeon General himself) that means you should NEVER, under ANY circumstances, put this item in or around your mouth ...

... well, at that point there isn't much any of us can do for you. You're clearly well into the final stage:

C) Sweet Merciful Fuck, You Should Be On Suicide Watch

Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed. We'll tell your family you loved them.



Till next we meet ...