Recovering Asshole

Ladies and gentlemen, could I please have your attention. The Captain has turned off the "It's Not Summer Yet" sign. ...

Hi there. My name is Monkey Joe. I've got nuts. Big nuts. And I want you to pay money to buy them. And then put them in you...

Ever wanted to have a dog? Well this is your lucky day! STEP 1: UNFOLD YOUR DOG. STEP 2: ASSEMBLE YOUR DOG. STEP 3: ...

Yes, it's true that the movies Big Eyes, Frankenweenie and Dark Shadows failed to catch on at the box office. And it's also true...

Every once in a while it's nice to get a little reminder of where you are in the Universe. A reality check, as it were. It's jus...

THE SCENARIO: It's two in the morning. You're sprawled on the couch, drifting in and out of consciousness. An episode of Foren...

"I mean, can a person ever really know what is or isn't broken on your car? Heck, what does 'broken' even mean ?" ...

I don't pay a LOT of attention to stuff. Sometimes it takes me a while to notice things that everybody else spotted ages ago. (Did ...

"IF YOU CAN START FIRES WITH YOUR MIND, PLEASE DO NOT USE THE WASHING MACHINE" Thank you, --The Management Till next we ...

It really is a tricky being me sometimes. Not "hard" per se ... just tricky. I'm not sure if your brain works like this, ...

It's that time again, everybody. It's time to call bullshit! And who or what has drawn my ire today? On whom shall said bullshi...

(It has been three straight weeks that the cafeteria at the office building where I work in mid-town Manhattan has been out of Diet Pepsi. ...

Gentlemen: I can't believe this post has become necessary. But sadly ... it has. We need to brush up a little on a few matters of...

How To Summer: In Three Easy Steps. A public service announcement. (AKA: From Fat Aragorn to Emmet Otter in ten easy minutes.) Step...

A while back, The Missus brought home one of those mysterious, vaguely medicinal-looking items that I assumed would go live in our second m...

PIZZA PLACE OWNER What I need is a sign to hang outside the shop. Something to let people know about our specials. GRAFFICK DEZINNER Know...

I don't even see the Matrix code anymore. All I see is blonde, brunette, redhead, subway car window ... I am The One. Apparently....

HOTCHNER (sternly) The Un-Sub covered the body. PRENTISS A clear sign of remorse. HOTCHNER (sternly) He may have known the victim. MO...

A short time ago, an ebullient co-worker returned from fetching lunch with a breathlessly delighted proclamation: Her: "I just saw ...