Like Breastmilk Off A Duck's Back

I'm an inquisitive fellow. Ask anyone.

And while I personally happen to be childless (which, trust me, is for the good of humanity, really), that's not the sort of minor detail that's going to keep me from ambling down the aisle at Target where they keep the various and sundry baby-maintenance supplies.

Because every so often I like to have a look to see how folks are maintaining babies these days.

Anyhow, on a recent amble, I happened upon a curious box of baby formula.

I find it curious for two reasons. Both of which have to do with the graphic down there in the corner.

Well, a duckling would know best, I suppose. They are experts, after all.



Wait, what?

Okay, firstly, I may not be one of your fancified, elite, east coast "zoologists," but I've been under the impression for some years that not being -- you know ... mammals -- that ducks generally do not come equipped with mammary glands.

In fact, I've been lead to understand that ducks do not suckle. Not even for fun.

(NOTE: If ducks ever do start coming equipped with mammary glands, I will likely find myself furtively deleting the Audubon Society's URL from my browsing history. Am I right, guys! Hello? Guys? Anyone? Hello?)

(Oh. I see.)

(It turns out, I am not right. Apologies.)

Secondly, what's up with the company's passive aggressive, self-loathing tone?

"Experts agree breastfeeding is best."

"But ... if maybe you don't care so much for the baby? Or the baby's kind of an asshole, maybe? Eh ... you could probably do worse than our third-rate slop."

"Probably."

(sigh)

"Oh, who are we kidding. We suck."



Till next we meet ...