1) Use Rip Torn as a reference when applying for bank loan. Or gun license. Or when posting bail.
2) Remember, sticks and stones
may break your bones, but plowing your 1988 Chevette head-on into an overpass abutment at 75 mph is a lot more efficient.
3) All the overblown hype over the Apple iPad is silly. Save your money and just crawl into the dryer. Turn it on. If you can shrink yourself down about 35%, your iPod Touch will be in perfect scale.
4) Have guy come and read gas meter.
5) Test the old saying that "Guns don't kill, people do" by leaping off a five story building onto a gun. Just make sure there are no people around. They're very kill-ish.
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