A Fool's Errands (Monday 1/18/10)

1) Stay strong. Whatever you do, keep that New Year's Resolution about not murdering and eating David Spade. Oh ... who am I kidding? One little bite couldn't hurt. Besides, who's going to miss him?

2) It's 2010. Remind yourself to stop writing 2009 on your checks. Also, remind yourself to stop writing checks. Because it's 20-goddamn-10, grandpa.

3) Market own line of frozen finger foods made entirely of own fingers.

4) Take down Christmas lights.

5) Keep telling yourself that Avatar is a brilliant, well-written, subtle and nuanced story that nobody has ever seen in another movie before. Ever. Repeat until you believe it. This may take a while. Budget your afternoon accordingly.