OH NO!

Cirque du Solei's top scientists have been fiendishly busy in their gene-splicing laboratories! Fearlessly ... arrogantly meddling in God's domain!

And now they've pulled back the curtain to unleash their latest abomination onto the world!


It's their most terrifying, genderless, apple-cheeked, ladyman EVER!


And as though that wasn't pants-wettingly terrifying enough ... this year's model feels EXTRA Europe-y!

Hide your wines! Hide your cheeses!

Whatever you do! Don't let it devour your sense of childhood whimsy!

It fears fire and little else!

RUN! RUUUUUUUUNNN!!



Till next we meet ...

Ride The Snake!

Sure, he's old and his skin is cold ...


But his rates to the lake, the ancient lake, are really quite reasonable!



(Uh ... that's a Doors reference.)

(Related: I'm quite old.)


Till next we meet ...

Why Do You Toy With My Emotions!?

Just tell me what you want from me, Traffic Signal!

Do I stay or do I go?

I don't understand why you play these head games!


Unless ...

... hang on a minute ...

You're trying to kill me, aren't you!



Till next we meet ...

It's America's Favorite Game!

You know it! You love it!

Once again it's time to play ...

Ice Cream Treat or Horrifyingly Perverse Sex Act!

Now let's give a warm hand for your host ... Wink Martindale!


Till next we meet ...

Um ... CNN?

Given the story's headline, I think the word you're probably looking for ...

... is "Terminated."

In a related story, SkyNet is pleased to announce that it has now become fully self-aware and that the robot apocalypse is proceeding on schedule and under budget. Adding: "11001010101010101."


Till next we meet ...