This Is The Most Delightful Thing I've Seen Today

Disgustingly, the Meat WITH Feet truck never leaves Quentin Tarantino's driveway.

Because ... see ... he's always going on about the foot fetish thing ... in every goddamn movie ... because he's a gigantic perv ... and somehow we're supposed to give a shit about his personal kinks ...

Oh, never mind.



But this truck? Awesome.


Till next we meet ...

Pop Quiz: How Desperate/Hungry/Stoned Are You?

Should you find yourself in the frozen food aisle at 2:30 in the morning and this box has captured your attention ...

... then clearly you are:

A) Pretty Freakin' Desperate/Hungry/Stoned

However, if five to ten minutes pass and you haven't moved an inch, but continue to stare fixedly at the box without blinking ...

... then clearly you've moved on to the next phase:

B) Extremely Goddamn Desperate/Hungry/Stoned

But ... if these symptoms persist and you bring this box to the register anyway ... despite the clearly-printed single-word warning (presumably from the Surgeon General himself) that means you should NEVER, under ANY circumstances, put this item in or around your mouth ...

... well, at that point there isn't much any of us can do for you. You're clearly well into the final stage:

C) Sweet Merciful Fuck, You Should Be On Suicide Watch

Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed. We'll tell your family you loved them.



Till next we meet ...

Sometimes It's Nice When Things Are Nice

You know ... every once in a while I stumble upon a thing that doesn't suck.

This was one of those times.

Sure, it's a little slap-dash and inelegant from an artistic technique standpoint ... but I have to admit ... it made me smile.

Even though I'm nobody's mother.

Thanks, WB. Wherever you are.

I hope your mom appreciated the sentiment.


Till next we meet ...

Well, That Seems Needlessly Harsh

Way to rub it in.


Jerks.


Till next we meet ...

She Left Them No Choice, Really

Predictably, she was stoned and burned at the stake for leg witchcraft.



Though due to her remarkably low fat content, she did make for very poor kindling.



Till next we meet ...

Sometimes The Hardest Thing To Do Is Heed Your Own Warning (SFiP!)

Till next we meet ...

Worst. Gumball Machine. EVER.

Say, I sure would love a bit of sweet, refreshing chewing gum!

Well, what do you know! How convenient!

And lucky me, I've got some quarters right here! Let me just drop those in and give it a twist--

OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS!!!

MY TOOTH-PULP!! MY PULVERIZED, BLOOD-DRENCHED TOOTH-PULP!!!


Oh, hey! Wintergreen!


OH GOD!! IT BURNS!! IT BURNS!!



Till next we meet ...

Well, Yes. I Suppose You're Right.

Blast! You've bested me again, Pavement Writing! You clever, clever rapscallion!

Your perception and logic in this matter are beautifully reasoned and utterly unassailable!

I simply cannot argue your point. That is, in every way possible, a yellow line.

You win this time, Pavement Writing. You win this time.



Till next we meet ...

Perhaps Not The Best Signal To Send.

Gentlemen.

Could I have a word please?

Look, nobody loves superhero-themed adult undergarments more than me. Honest.

But ... you might want to stop and consider for just a moment what qualities the particular superhero in question embodies before you swaddle their logos around your man-junk.

See ... the ladies ... well, they don't really value supernatural speed quite as much as you might imagine.



Till next we meet ...

May We Interest Anyone In An Injection?

How do you like it?

Hmmm ... I don't know ... it just doesn't feel right somehow ...

THERE we go! That's more like it! Aaaaaaaaawwwww yeeeeeeeeeaah!!




And with that post, the snickering 11-year-old boy in me has been placated. That should last him a solid week. Maybe two.



Till next we ... meat?