Please Watch Out For The Wet Floor. (SFiP!)

Now by "wet" we probably mean "the ocean."

And by "floor" we mean "the ocean that's a hundred feet below the thwapping blades of this helicopter."

And by "helicopter" we mean "the one we're currently heaving you out of as you wail in mortal terror."

Also, there's probably sharks.

So, you know ... try to watch out for that.



Till next we meet ...

Oh NO! They're Coming For Your Stick Babies! (SFiP!)

Stick Figures BEWARE!!

Your Stick Babies are in Peril!

Terrible, terrible PERIL!

They're coming for your Stick Babies! Reaching! Straining! Yearning!

Their square-cornered, hand-nubs quivering with anticipation!

Your Stick Babies are defenseless!

They're pouncing now! Even as we speak!

OH GOD! THE CHILDREN!! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!



Till next we meet ...

Ow.

It's great to see that Ms. Bobbit has found a way to channel her interests and get on with her life after all these years.


Till next we meet ...

Killing Me Softly: A How-To

Good GRAVY! Will you hold STILL!

Look, I can't help you if you don't stop all that vibrating!

Then again ... this does feel kind of nice ...

Like one of those Magic Fingers beds.

Mmmmmmmmmmm ...

You know, in retrospect, I think I'm actually glad that I jammed that handfull of quarters down your throat.

This feels go-o-o-o-o-o-od ....



Till next we meet ...

Why, Thank You So Much For Noticing, Amazon!

It looks like my new all-kibble diet is working out exactly as I'd hoped!




Till next we meet ...

Here You Go, Steve. This Should Help With Your Little Problem.

(Off-topic: Sadly, Photoshop and I are unacquainted. My apologies.)



Till next we meet ...

THE LAW-GIVER DEMANDS IT! (SFiP!)

STICK FIGURES!!

HEED THESE WORDS!!

QUAIL AND COWER!! COWER AND QUAIL!!

YOUR HAUGHTY, FOUR-LEGGED OVERLORDS DEMAND THAT YOU BOW DOWN BEFORE THEM!!

Well, I suppose it's technically after them ... BUT YOU GET THE IDEA!!

IT IS LAW!!

NOW GET ON WITH THE QUAILING AND THE COWERING!!

ALSO WITH THE SCOOPING AND THE BAGGING!!

WHY?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHY"?! ARE YOU MAD?!

GOOD GOD, MAN!! DO YOU NOT CARE AT ALL ABOUT THE QUALITY OF YOUR CHILDREN/TOWN/DISEASE?!



Till next we meet ...

What's That You Say?

I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?

I didn't hear you.

My apologies. I had my iPod turned up rather loud.

Could you repeat that?

Oh, I see.

Well, you'll get no argument from me.

That'll do, Slotted Pig. That'll do.



Till next we meet ...

He's The Stick Figure, I'm The Rapper. (SFiP!)

CAUTION!

This Stick Figure is in grave PERIL!

... of ROCKING the eff OUT!!



Till next we meet ...

The Plus Makes It Better

Oh, sure. You think your wig store is hot shit, don't you.

Of course you do. We know. Because the rest of us have been silently enduring your endless taunting for AGES now.

You're all, like: "My wig store is the best. My wig store has all kinds of wigs."

Well, la-de-friggin-DAH.

Well, let me tell you something, pal. The worm has finally turned.

Your reign of wig-store-themed terror is, at long last, at an end.

Because MY wig store ALSO has "Plus."

PLUS.

Suck on that a while, shit-stick.



Till next we meet ...

Why Would Larry King Ever Retire?

Oh, I think the real reason is pretty obvious.

Plain as the nose on your face, really. Let's lean in for a closer look, shall we?

Clearly he needs to devote more time to his quote-whoring.



Till next we meet ...

Lift AND Separate

Feeling tense? Depressed? Having trouble keeping your chin up?

Well, we here at De Sade Pharmaceuticals have just the medical miracle you've been waiting for!

It's the Cranial Hammock!

Guaranteed to give you that feeling of relaxation you crave!

In fact, you'll be so relaxed after using our product, there's an excellent chance you may never be able to move your body again!

(Side effects may include dry mouth, nausea, trouble sleeping and mild beheading.)

Ask your doctor if the Cranial Hammock is right for you!



Till next we meet ...